Comedy Club Central

Come join us for a funny time with the guys every Friday 8:30pm. Impromptu games and sketches with the audience is expected.

Shipwrecked

A New Zealander was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
Looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Kiwi.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen.

She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the Kiwi started to get "those feelings" again.

He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and, realizing he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear,

"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

Some of Life's Burning Questions

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money in the account already?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars in the sky, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but he ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead insects get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping trolley then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid %$&#@$?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Rolls vs VW

This VW Bug pulled up beside this Rolls at a red light, rolled down his window and asked the Rolls driver, "You got a telephone in that Rolls?"
"Matter of fact I do, right here on the seat beside me." said the Rolls driver.
"Me too," said the VW Driver,

"You got a TV in that Rolls?" The Rolls,
"Yes I do, right here on the dash."
"Me too," said the VW,

"You got a twin bed in the back seat?" Rolls,
"No, I do not."
"I do" said the VW as the light turns green and he takes off.

The Rolls manages to get the license number. The Rolls heads straight to the Auto Accessory Store not to let the VW Bug out do him.
"Yes" the accessory attendant said, "We do carry and can install a twin bed in the rear seat of your Rolls." So, after about a week the Rolls driver picked up his Rolls with the newly installed twin bed and immediately set out to locate that VW Bug.

He finally located it parked in the park near the river. As he pulled up beside it he noted that the windows were all fogged over. Knowing what causes this he waited a few minutes. Finally he got out, walked over to the VW, knocked on the window, no response. He waited another few minutes, knocked on the window again. The window lowered a couple inches and the driver said,
"Yes?"
The Rolls driver said, "I wanted you to know that I have a twin bed in the back seat of my Rolls now."

The VW frowns and says, "You get me out of the shower just to tell me that?"


****** New Menu Launched in Flamin' J featuring 14 new products!******

Check it out!

BBQ Beef Ribs are Back !!!!

If you don't know what happened, let me update you a bit on this. Our BBQ ribs always have been the talk among our regular customers in Flamin' J. We suddenly took off the ribs from our menu after four months of sale. There was a problem with them. We just couldn't get the ribs to be consistent as the ribs sometimes come in very odd sizes and weight keeps fluctuating. So we stopped production of the item.


Our very regular customers kept coming to us asking about the ribs and we had to turn them down so many times that some were very angry at the loss of the ribs. So we decided to work harder in making that particular product consistent. The breakthrough came just last two weeks and now we have the ribs back on the menu. To make sure the quality is consistent, we only make very limited portions per day. We only make 10 portions of ribs per day and so far after one week, we have successfully sold out the ribs everyday.

Those of you who have not tried this wonderful item, please come by and give it a try. But give us a call first to check if we still have stock of those ok?

That's about it from me today... Oh and I will be posting up another picture of one of our favorite Radio icons..... met him the other day in Flamin' J.... keep you guys updated.

Over and out!

Here it is...Ms. Elaine Kang in the Flesh!

Guys... here it is... Ms. Elaine Kang in the flesh! Also a very down to Earth person and guess what??? She's from Penang too! Got to speak to her in my local lingo... and sort of found out she will be doing this big concert of hers to mark 25 years of her singing career! Wow!

She doesn't look a bit past 25 years old....

Sorry the picture looks blurry as I had no camera with me so had to use the phone camera. Promise will get a better picture of her when she comes back.

***** Single Malt Whiskey now available in Flamin' J******

Glenfiddich 12 yrs - RM 280.00nett
Bowmore 12yrs - RM 310.oonett (My favorite)

*************************************************************

Starstruck Again!!!

Flamin' J has been starstruck again today... Ms. Elaine Kang came strolling in for a meal. Will keep you guys updated on this for more updates about this.... May even have a photo with her....

For those who do not know this artiste, Ms. Elaine Kang is a very famous singer in the early nineties. She was one of the pioneers of the Chinese language songs in Malaysia. One of the memorable sights I have of her was when she appeared on tv singing the "Sejahtera Malaysia" song every day about 7:50pm just before the news on both RTM channels.

Cheers... Be back tomorrow guys!

Tech Support

Real life entertaining calls for help to tech support from the public - god bless them!!!


Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah.
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one.

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry...

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah.................... thank you.

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work

Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P"... on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!


So what else have you guys out there heard?? Let us know more...

Life Or Death?

Scenario:
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?



(Answer in Comments)